This post was inspired by another blog post I read recently entitled, ”So You’re Feeling Too Fat to Be Photographed.”
The story triggered my own insecurities about my body and made me realize that I am still not any closer to a goal I set for myself when my mom died 5 years ago. I know there are many women that are also plagued by body image issues due to the thin-obsessed culture we live in. I’m sharing the link to the story (click here) with you and hoping it may inspire you to make small steps toward shifting your attitude about your body image so you can find more freedom and joy in your body AS IT IS now.
Truth be told, I have struggled with body image issues since my early childhood.
I grew up with an older sister who was petite so when I compared myself to her I always thought of myself as being fat. Years ago I saw the movie “Children of a Lesser God”. There was a very powerful scene when the character played by Marlee Matlin looked at herself in one of those circus mirrors that exaggerates your body parts. I was stunned because her perception of herself as being huge so clearly mirrored for me, for the first time, exactly how I felt in my own body. It is truly a miracle that I never succumbed to anorexia or bulimia given the negative body image I carried within me. It is deeply saddening how many young girls suffer from these illnesses and how pervasive negative body images are among young and older women alike.
When my mother was dying at the age of 84, one of the last things she said to me with closed eyes was, ”how do I look?”
I kissed her forehead and replied, “you look beautiful mom, just beautiful”. I was shocked that those words came out of her mouth at such a pivotal time and I felt incredibly sad that even on her deathbed my mom was still not at peace with her body. I remember making a vow to myself right then and there that I was not going to go through my entire life without making peace with my body. My mom died the year I turned 50 and since that time I have gone through menopause, gained over 10 pounds and have seen my body go through some radical changes like suddenly having back fat, flabby triceps, spider veins, cellulite and age spots. I look at my body in the mirror and say ” is this really my body?” and think “how am I ever going to be able to get to a place of acceptance with all of these new changes taking place in my body?”
To that end, I have chosen to let my hair turn gray and I continue to aspire to honor the wisdom of knowing that the body is just a temple for our soul, no matter what the fashion magazines try to make us believe.
I know it may not be easy but I hope to be completely at peace in this body of mine someday. And with some grit and determination, may it be before I lay down to die.
Smart, challenging post.! It opens up so many questions about women and their bodies. One question is “who is looking?” We internalize someone (father, lover, girl friend, Trump) or something (the camera, Iphone etc.) and then try to deal with these distorted images of ourselves.
The story about your mother is very moving. Could one read it as her caring to the very end about how
appeared to other people in her relationship to the world she had left? Is that not a part of love?
Thanks for reading my blog Mary! Glad to hear you thought it was interesting and moving.
Hi Nancy, and everyone else. This is such an important topic we all think about. Older age seems to come with all of these challenges for us to overcome. Just as our head is in a good place, we look in that mirror and wonder why our body doesn’t match it. We don’t look who we think we are, or at least I don’t!
Accepting ourselves and loving ourselves is so important.
But that doesn’t mean we should ignore whatever we can do to make ourselves look better.
I still dye my hair and have decided I like the color and want to keep it. I don’t want to be another short haired gray elderly lady. I am me and enjoy looking as young and vibrant as I can. It might be a costume, but I like costumes. If I were younger I would color my hair a different color every month or so. I don’t feel guilty or apologize for wanting to look younger or dying my hair. If you feel like wearing makeup or dying your hair or wearing a silly looking outfit, go for it!
Hi Judy,
So nice to hear from you! I totally agree with you that women should do whatever they please to make themselves look better and more importantly feel better. I don’t think we ought to feel pressured by societal norms to do it though. I’m glad you are happy dying your hair and support you in doing that. And I’m all for wearing make-up and silly looking outfits too!:-)
Hi Nancy,
It takes courage to ‘out’ yourself in a heartfelt post like this, and I salute you! You’re a brave lady for doing so.
It’s both sad and infuriating that women struggle to meet unrealistic and prejudicial rules of society’s current benchmarks for beauty. (I mean, ‘but-implants!?) First impressions aside, it’s what’s inside that counts when the going gets tough.
The message of your post is one all women should embrace. We should all stay physically active and pay attention to personal hygiene. Yet, we’d all be happier if we resisted judging others on ‘looks’ and accepted whatever apparition our teeming mass of genetic dna has blessed us with.
But then, I’m a dreamer…
Edward
HI Ed,
Thank you so much for your kind and compassionate response to my post. It was hard to hit the send button but I am glad I did. I ended up getting invited to do a presentation about this topic at a local bank that offers free workshops to its members so it is already having a positive impact in the world and I am very happy about that.
Nancy
P.S. The world needs more dreamers like you!
It is so interesting to read that you, Nancy, a woman who I always see as living so healthy and sanely in your body as you utilize your physical and spiritual being in teaching and practicing yoga and giving (and hopefully getting) massages, have at least some of the same body image issues/fears that I share! I have always felt shy and embarrassed by my lumpy legs and medium to sometimes chunky build. I always feel best when I am fit, but as I age and everything gets lumpy, I am a little more forgiving to myself. Isn’t if funny for those of us who “know better” to still have this brain hubris? Those women with curves and bumps, who live fully, freely and confidently in their bodies always seem so much healthier and more attractive than those of us who try to walk backwards into the ocean to prevent an “unsightly” back view! Here is to a (maybe slow but steady) journey to body acceptance and love! At the very least, we all know that we won’t be looking any younger as the years go by, and we very likely won’t be feeling more springy than we are now, so hats off to jelly belly, jiggle thighs and bobbly veins!
Yes Caitlin, it was not easy for me to put this out there for all to see but it is liberating in a weird way. Thanks for sharing your personal journey with me and here’s to aging as gracefully as we can!
Grey hair rules!!! Very nice post, Nancy. Thank you.
Thanks Susan!
perhaps we should practice being grateful for what we do like about our bodies, and for all the work our bodies do for us
Indeed, a good reminder to focus on the positive Barbara!
Funny just this week I looked at what I perceived as a large stomach in 2 Facebook photos I posted, 2 days later took them down (despite the fact that people already had positively responded because of my lively spirit emanating forth in them), cropped out my stomach, and reposted the photos! Wow! I did keep saying to myself: self, you don’t need to be doing this, but I persisted! Here’s to our lovingly accepting our new shapes and embracing our bodies! Of course we need to eat healthily, do yoga stretches, and exercise regularly, yet still that self love needs to be at the forefront and in our hearts !💜👯💜
Thanks for sharing your personal story. I’m glad you put the photos back up, even though you cropped them. Here’s to self love and supporting each other through the aging process!
Look at Italian renaissance paintings and see how gorgeous curves really are.
I love it! When I was in Italy I saw myself all over the place:-)
well said nancy. this insecurity really cripples many of us. regardless of how we rationally know we should love our bodies, we have been too often otherwise programmed . it is a lifelong battle for too many of us. your honesty and clarity is appreciated.💟
Thank you, dear robin! I’m so grateful we have each other for support on our journey through life.